Shortly after we know that we have our lil precious, I have to remove it out from my tummy.
感谢五月天，在我最最最最需要安慰，需要解脱，需要麻醉，麻痹自己的时候，还有这么一首歌给我听。。。
今天是伟佳出殡的日子。到现在，我还是不能接受这个事实。。。
to my lost contact friend... altho not close to him, but i'm still crying deep inside my heart... how and wat will his family faced on his departure? may God bless his whole family...
you have gave us happiness thru out the 2 yrs 1mth and 5 days time...
以为做了正确的决定，怎么知道其实是错的？
每当五月天出新专辑，我都会随着他们的歌曲而思考。
have went to super import nite exhibition for help out on sat nite and sun... have discovered that there's alots of educated ppl dunno how to read english and dunno what is the use of the stand which separate the car from the ppl...
也许你会看到这篇，但我相信你不会看到。。。
yesterday after my class at orchard, i met a rude taxi driver on the road!
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Our lil Precious
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Got to know the great news was on the 5th week, 23 Sept 2009. We were overwhelmed but we kept our cool as we're going to see our family doc to confirm it.
The next day, with the pregnancy test result that was done the night before, off we go to our family doc. From there, we confirmed that I was carrying our lil precious. Happy of cos! but was worried on the progress as well due to I have a cyst on right side. We want to get everything done fast, so we went to see my friend's gynae at Boon Lay MRT station.
Scan shows that the cyst is out of the way from our baby, 1 glad. Due to I have spotting 1 day after I missed my menses and having cramps, so chances of conceiving the baby outside the womb is high. Another scan shows that baby was in place, 2 glad.
Happy as we were at that time. It was like, at last that I'm pregnant!
My body have a big change... I can no longer wear my jeans and tummy become bigger and bigger despite that I'm just pregnant!
Days after days, I started to have morning sickness... From mild morning sickness to serious morning sickness that I would vomit out my meals, not once, but few times for a meal. Due to work, I cant always run to toilet and it makes me tired out very fast, I decided to see the gynae to get the vomit pills. It was on 7th weeks +++ when i got that medication.
1 week after I got the vomit medication was my checkup appt and it was a Thursday. On Tuesday nite, I fall sick suddenly. I've got prescribtion from my family doc on Wednesday morning and everythings was fine except that I found the morning sickness became lesser.
I didn't care much and have a day's rest at my parent's house and I had 2 ice-cream each on afternoon and evening. Evening came, felt that my morning sickness was going to vanish... I thought for the worst but still calm and thinking it was all fine...
Thursday, it was the day that what we worried have become the true... The whole morning, I suddenly have no bond with my precious and the morning sickness become to mild that I almost have no feeling. I had called hubby when I went to bank, to prepared for the worst.
Evening came, meeting my friend at the clinic as she wanted to ask doc some questions as well. This is the first time we met after I got pregnant. The news was unbearable. Doc cant see any heartbeat from our precious. He cant confirm whether was precious on his another side so he asked me to go for a detailed scan the next day at Gleneagles Hospital where his clinic is located.
We had prepared for the worst but while doing for the scan, I still asked the nurse alot of questions like how's baby? Got any heartbeat? As hubby never saw the blinking of heartbeat before, he cant tell me whether there is anot. After scanning, nurse told us that our doc will explain to us further of the baby and we need to wait for 30mins to an hour for the scan result so that we can show to our doc.
Breaking news time... Doc confirmed that our precious couldn't survive, it had lost it's heartbeat at 8 weeks 5 days old. The day we did our detailed scan was it's 9 weeks old. It was devastated... I didn't breakdown in front of the doc, just asked a silly question if I can dun do the operation to remove our lil precious...
Lucky hubby was there to schedule the operation to be done on the next day morning... If he wasn't with me, I cant do the decision myself...
Once out of the clinic, we first phoned our bosses to break the news so that hubby can applied leave on saturday when my operation will be done and I have to inform my boss of a week's mc... I broke down... when on the phone with my boss... Obviously, he was shocked and asked his wife to talk to me...
Next was our parents... I called my mum, except for calling out for her, there's nothing that I can speak out... It was the saddest day that we have. After a few hours, we decided not be sad and brood over it...
I decided have a big feast for my lunch and dinner... On the nite, we have prepared those necessarities that I need to be have after my operation.
Upon reaching hospital, I listened to Mayday's song and I cried... Crying that my baby wun be coming back... While going into the operation room, I was alone. My 2 rings still hanging on my necklace. I held them on my hands and hoping that hubby could give me more courage to face it.
Doc came in, giving me a jab and telling me that I will be sleepy after the jab and I should go to sleep. Rite after the jab, i was feeling drowsy and I was total black out. I din know what happen next. I only know that hubby was waiting outside anxiously...
Slowly, I gain my concious and feeling something went in and out from my vagina and there's a slight pain. I din know that I was inside of the operation room for near an hr... After everything, the nurse asked my hubby to come in to accompany me, at that time, I was concious already but still feeling drowsy and sleepy...
Nurse came in for a while and I asked her, did I opened my eyes or closed my eyes through out the operation? She said, I told her that I'm very sleepy and she asked me to sleep. When seeing doc, he said he had monitored and my oxygen went low... He had put an oxygen mask on me and asked me to breathe, and I asked him okay... These are not in my memory at all.. He also said that he had to monitor me before operation, so it takes a longer time. But he only took 5 mins to take out my lil precious...
Till now, we still feel upset deep in our heart... I will cry when I listened to certain songs and I'm afraid to be alone... We tot we have put it down, but it was nvr put down deep in our heart...
This blog, is for memorial for our lil precious that was unable to see the world... Wanna to tell lil precious that altho you gave us a real short period of joy, but daddy and mummy will always love you and you'll always deep in our heart and memory.
We Love You, Lil Precious!
blissful & peaceful life || ant's world || Thursday, November 05, 2009
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你不是真正的快乐
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原本在想，有天一定要带着自己的孩子，不管是在肚子里还是手牵着，带着他来看五月天的演唱会。我想，这是不可能的了。。。
我应该不会有自己的孩子了。。。我的心理，心智，应该永远都没办法让他觉得我准备好了。。。
为什么，跟自己最爱的人结婚了，还是会不开心？我为什么会走到这一步？都是我的错吗？我就像一个小孩，拼命的想要自己喜欢的人注意到我，关心我。。。
我承认，不管我做了些什么，都不会有人注意到我。。。人们只会记得以前的我，还没改变的我。。。
没有人会知道我已经改变。。。就算知道，也不会放在心里。。。当再一次的争吵来临时，他们只会想到过去的我，而不是已经改变的我。。。
我真得很累，很累，很累。。。我想要逃离，逃离这一切。。。我想去一个没有人会找到我的地方，过我一个人的生活。。。
我想要孩子，但如果我真的想要，却不能是我最爱的人的孩子。不然，就是离开他。。。
如果真有个时光机，真想回到还没结婚的我，还没遇到他的我。。。这样，我就不会遇到他，不会结婚，不会发生很多我不能面对的事，不会这么想要跟他有个小孩，不会走到这一步，不会那么不开心。。。
我想，真正的禹希需要长期的封闭起来。。。真正的禹希需要带个假面具，而这个面具有个很好的功能。就是遇到不一样的人，会有不一样的个性，不一样的脾气，但真正的面具却不会出现在人们的面前。。。
带着假面具的禹希，不会有任何心情起伏，不会心痛，不会哭。只会装着开心，穿梭在人群里。。没有人会知道她真正的心情，想法。。。就让这样的禹希带给人们快乐吧。。。
真正的禹希不会消失，她只会在没人的时候出现，与她的宝贝们说说心事，聊聊天。。。
会不会有真正快乐的一天？不知道，我真的不知道。。。只知道，不这样做的话，身边的人不会快乐，爱我的人不会快乐。。。那倒不如牺牲小我，完成大我呢？
祝：带着假面具的禹希快乐，幸福。。。
祝：封闭的禹希也幸福，快乐。。。
欢迎带着假面具的禹希！再见了，封闭的禹希。。。
blissful & peaceful life || ant's world || Monday, June 29, 2009
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伤心的日子
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一个年轻有为的青年。一个才28岁的青年。一个有家庭的青年。怎么说走就走？
一切都来得太突然，没有人来得及反应。。。
都到了这个时候了，我还一直希望奇迹能出现，希望他能醒来，说他做了一场很长的梦但他还是醒来了。。。
我跟他不是很熟，但我还记得他那拥有很漂亮的酒窝。俊俏的脸蛋，灿烂的笑容，天真的表情。。。这些都还烙印在我的脑海里。。。
现在，我还能记得躺在棺木里的他的样子。。。与他俊俏的脸蛋有些不一样。。。毕竟，他跌进了8米深的洞里。。。
只是，还在想为什么他会跌得那么惨？为什么悲剧会发生？他没戴安全帽吗？他没带安全带吗？种种的问题都在我们的脑里面旋转着。。。
希望，他在另一个国度里能开心。。。也希望他在天之灵，能保佑他的全家人。。。
安息吧，伟佳（希望我没写错你的名字）。。。
blissful & peaceful life || ant's world || Tuesday, April 21, 2009
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my deepest condolenses
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din expect to get to hear his news was regards to his departure to this world, leaving his child and wife...
he fell to a 8m deep hole while doing maintenance at yard and passed away with multiple injuries...
why did God choose to summon him at this time? he's still so young and have a long way to go...
blissful & peaceful life || ant's world || Saturday, April 18, 2009
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always in memories - EU3045G...
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you have gone thru the goods and bads with us for this period and we are really appreciate for your service...
altho we really unbear to part with you but we knew that the new owner will treat you better than we do...
he will change your heart and brain for better health and strength... he will get your health back and not leave in humilation anymore...
he will unlock your abilities which we have locked and you will perform well in future...
he will help you to find ur honours and you also have to help him to get his acheivements.
lastly, we do hope to see you on the road again and also hope to meet you someday in serpang track..
Good Bye our 1st car, EU3045G... Altho we are not very willing to own you in the first place and cant afford to have you, but you will always be in our mind, our heart and our memories...
Hope to see you soon...
Love you always,
Your previous owner
blissful & peaceful life || ant's world || Tuesday, February 10, 2009
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感慨。。。
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当决定剪掉留了六年的头发是正确的，怎知道发型师听不懂我所要的发型。。。就这样，做了第一个错误的决定。
终于，觉得头发长了一些，所以想把头发修成我本来就想要的发型。这样慢慢的修，就可以拥有很渴望有漂亮的头发了。。。怎知道？又是一个错误的决定。。。这样，离我像样的发型很远，很远，很远了。。。不知道还要留多久，我的头发才能再长呢？
为什么他们都听不懂我所说的呢？
当听到家婆说他要把生意交给老公的妹妹，这样就能帮我们看孩子，所以叫我们尽快有孩子。我以为他要来新加坡帮我们看孩子，毕竟我们曾经讨论过这个问题了而他也答应了。只要等到他退休就可以了。。。怎知道，他是要我们把孩子放在邻国给他看。。。我不想。。。因为我不想跟孩子分开。。。但这个问题是其次。。。
问题是，我觉得老公的虫可能是路痴，所以找不到该去的地方繁衍。。。建议他去看医生，因医生说只要吃药就能决绝这问题了。。。但他却觉得不可能吃药就能决绝，而他也说他并没有在这一方面尽力。。。他也笑我的天真。。。他笑说我的理解能力很差，因医生说的并不是我所想象的。。。
但老公啊，你能理解我的烦恼吗？我不想一直认为是我的问题。不然为什么当你尽力的时候，我们也没成功呢？
你能不能听我的心声呢？不要一直笑话我，说我想太多，我太天真，我给自己太多压力。。。我知道，我真的很天真，想很多，给自己很多压力。但你能理解为什么吗？我不想再和你讨论这些问题，因你根本不会去理会我的想法。。。
我不知道你什么时候才是在尽力。。。我只知道，你不说，你不做，所有问题就只有在我身上。。。
我好累啊。。。你能真的明白吗？你能真的理解吗？你能真的听一下我的心声吗？
blissful & peaceful life || ant's world || Monday, November 03, 2008
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五月天，你们也太厉害了吧。。。
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就像最新的歌曲“你不是真的快乐”。我，真的快乐吗？我曾经真的快乐吗？
昨晚，在车里与老公思考了这问题，发现我们已经渐渐的忘了真正快乐的感觉了。这代表了我们离最后的真正快乐很远，很远了。。。
觉得不管在什么时候听他们的歌，不管是几年前的歌，都会有不一样的感觉和想法。
他们的歌，陪伴了我起起落落的生活。。。
谢谢你们，五月天。没有你们的歌，我不会感触良多也不会有更多更不一样的想法。
谢谢老公，没有你买的“人生海海”专辑，我不会认识五月天，也不知道其实我很喜欢他们的歌。。。
五月天，加油！！！
blissful & peaceful life || ant's world || Tuesday, October 28, 2008
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Super Import Nite
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they can still touch the item or even hold it on their hands even it's indicated "PLS DON'T TOUCH".
we have exhibit a car, Aston Martin - Vaintage which James Bond rode on. as it's very expensive and avoid any scratches created during exhibitio, we had placed stand and prevent ppl from entering.
ppl still can just stretch out their hands to touch, to press on the car handle. some other exhibitors even knock on the carbon cover which is to cover the engine. dun really understand what's their thinking.
few incidents when our race queen were out for phototaking session. they were at Honda Civic Type R which is a distance away from Aston Martin. we are tending Type R and prevent others from stealing exhibit items and din really take note of Aston Martin. but when i turn my head over to take a look at it, there's a guy stepped into the stand and stand directly besides the Aston Martin. I was really angry and tell him in an very angry tone "Excuse me. pls do not step in!"
do they really understand what's the use of the stand???
another issue... those photographers are all color wolves. while i was tending the Aston Martin, i saw a guy who took pics of race queens' breast and buttocks ONLY, zoom somemore!
those photographers will lean to any thing that can support them while taking photos, even Porsche... we will need to tell them not to lean over to any of the car while taking photos.. i've encountered that a guy told me tat he din lean. i was really angry, i shoot back "yes, you did lean but now you din only". really angry...
how would they feel if it was their car that was being lean over? will they feel happy? no matter wat kind of car, it's just impolite to lean over, isn't it???
during the whole event, we got to know that for the 4 days exhibitions, all the photographers are the same, ie : they paid for 4 days tickets. their focus mostly lays on their breasts. they are really inhuman.
race queens are tired and need some rest or having lunch or even talking over the phone. they can just shoot photos even back facing them. even one of the race queen just sat down and have her lunch... are they desperates?
last year's exhibition was not tat messy like this year... always tot that sporeans are educated but din know that they can really ignore all the instructions, etc...
Sporean guys, you are really very disappointing, disgraceful!
blissful & peaceful life || ant's world || Tuesday, September 23, 2008
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心里最深处的感想
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我觉得我并不适合你，你需要的也不是我。。。
要不要，我们分开一阵子，冷静的想想我们真的要继续吗？
我承认，我给自己很大的压力，深怕做得不好。又还没能替你家生个小孩，我真得很压力。。。 但你好像从来没真正的看待我的压力。。。
我真的，真的，真得很想离开这个地方。。。到一个你们找不到的地方，但我没勇气，没勇气离开你。。。
我想放弃，我想逃避，可以吗？
blissful & peaceful life || ant's world || Monday, September 08, 2008
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Rude Taxi Driver, Rude Youngsters!!!
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there's was a road upgrading (i think so) on the road outside The Delphi and it had took up 2 of the 4 lanes...
i was walking on the pedestrian and heard a loud and continuous horning sound on the road. i thought it was some driver who suddenly changed into the unblocked lane, so the driver behind want to alert tat driver.
but the horning sound doesn't end... it came like "bee bee bee" not "beeeeeeee"... i felt strange who would kept on horning like this manner and for so long?
then later was discover that it was from a trans cab driver who wore a spectacles... along the way when he horn, dunno is he looked at the workers or stared at them... all i knew was, he drives, he horn and looked on his left and done all in the same time.
does he knows that he was rude to the workers and dangerous driving in this manner... he drove passed quite a few workers and every workers he stared at, stared back at him angrily...
how i want to let the driver to know that, we encounter road upgrading almost everyday, esp he's a taxi driver. he shouldn't have reacted in this way. not only he was effected, all the drivers who drove past that area are all effected... why others can treat this normally but he cant?
he really have no manner on the road... this is a small issue to all drivers. or will he kept horning on traffice police if they have road block? he dared to?
there's another issue...
i was having my real late dinner or should i say is supper? nevertheless... prob is, this coffeeshop is open for 24hrs and they had banners on both end of the coffeeshop showing that speak softly after 11pm as not to disturbed other residents.
there's this one whole bunch of NTU students who went there for supper... they laughed like there's no one else except for them... they brought along a westerner and those who laughed real loud are the guys... we have already been very disturbed by them and they still dunno to lower their voice...
the coffeeshop lady boss went to them once strike 11pm but they ignored her... can see tat the lady boss really cant tahan them as when she spoke to them, she was really very unhappy..
again, they laughed out real loud and she screamed again... now, the auntie who we ordered drinks from, went to deliver their drinks and tell them again... u know what, everyone ignored her... there's still laughters from them...
until the lady boss told them that pls look at the banner in front of you! there's shouldn't be no more noise after 11pm!
i really wanted to shout at them. they are undergrads, cant they understand simple english which is just in front of them?
they are really disgraceful for the sporeans... now most of the young sporeans really dunno how to respect others and think for others. they think they are really that intelligent or they think they are real great?
pls think of others and put urself in other's ppl shoes!
blissful & peaceful life || ant's world || Friday, August 29, 2008