ant's world

Our lil Precious

2009-11-05T13:21:00.004+08:00

Shortly after we know that we have our lil precious, I have to remove it out from my tummy.

Got to know the great news was on the 5th week, 23 Sept 2009. We were overwhelmed but we kept our cool as we're going to see our family doc to confirm it.

The next day, with the pregnancy test result that was done the night before, off we go to our family doc. From there, we confirmed that I was carrying our lil precious. Happy of cos! but was worried on the progress as well due to I have a cyst on right side. We want to get everything done fast, so we went to see my friend's gynae at Boon Lay MRT station.

Scan shows that the cyst is out of the way from our baby, 1 glad. Due to I have spotting 1 day after I missed my menses and having cramps, so chances of conceiving the baby outside the womb is high. Another scan shows that baby was in place, 2 glad.

Happy as we were at that time. It was like, at last that I'm pregnant!

My body have a big change... I can no longer wear my jeans and tummy become bigger and bigger despite that I'm just pregnant!

Days after days, I started to have morning sickness... From mild morning sickness to serious morning sickness that I would vomit out my meals, not once, but few times for a meal. Due to work, I cant always run to toilet and it makes me tired out very fast, I decided to see the gynae to get the vomit pills. It was on 7th weeks +++ when i got that medication.

1 week after I got the vomit medication was my checkup appt and it was a Thursday. On Tuesday nite, I fall sick suddenly. I've got prescribtion from my family doc on Wednesday morning and everythings was fine except that I found the morning sickness became lesser.

I didn't care much and have a day's rest at my parent's house and I had 2 ice-cream each on afternoon and evening. Evening came, felt that my morning sickness was going to vanish... I thought for the worst but still calm and thinking it was all fine...

Thursday, it was the day that what we worried have become the true... The whole morning, I suddenly have no bond with my precious and the morning sickness become to mild that I almost have no feeling. I had called hubby when I went to bank, to prepared for the worst.

Evening came, meeting my friend at the clinic as she wanted to ask doc some questions as well. This is the first time we met after I got pregnant. The news was unbearable. Doc cant see any heartbeat from our precious. He cant confirm whether was precious on his another side so he asked me to go for a detailed scan the next day at Gleneagles Hospital where his clinic is located.

We had prepared for the worst but while doing for the scan, I still asked the nurse alot of questions like how's baby? Got any heartbeat? As hubby never saw the blinking of heartbeat before, he cant tell me whether there is anot. After scanning, nurse told us that our doc will explain to us further of the baby and we need to wait for 30mins to an hour for the scan result so that we can show to our doc.

Breaking news time... Doc confirmed that our precious couldn't survive, it had lost it's heartbeat at 8 weeks 5 days old. The day we did our detailed scan was it's 9 weeks old. It was devastated... I didn't breakdown in front of the doc, just asked a silly question if I can dun do the operation to remove our lil precious...

Lucky hubby was there to schedule the operation to be done on the next day morning... If he wasn't with me, I cant do the decision myself...

Once out of the clinic, we first phoned our bosses to break the news so that hubby can applied leave on saturday when my operation will be done and I have to inform my boss of a week's mc... I broke down... when on the phone with my boss... Obviously, he was shocked and asked his wife to talk to me...

Next was our parents... I called my mum, except for calling out for her, there's nothing that I can speak out... It was the saddest day that we have. After a few hours, we decided not be sad and brood over it...

I decided have a big feast for my lunch and dinner... On the nite, we have prepared those necessarities that I need to be have after my operation.

Upon reaching hospital, I listened to Mayday's song and I cried... Crying that my baby wun be coming back... While going into the operation room, I was alone. My 2 rings still hanging on my necklace. I held them on my hands and hoping that hubby could give me more courage to face it.

Doc came in, giving me a jab and telling me that I will be sleepy after the jab and I should go to sleep. Rite after the jab, i was feeling drowsy and I was total black out. I din know what happen next. I only know that hubby was waiting outside anxiously...

Slowly, I gain my concious and feeling something went in and out from my vagina and there's a slight pain. I din know that I was inside of the operation room for near an hr... After everything, the nurse asked my hubby to come in to accompany me, at that time, I was concious already but still feeling drowsy and sleepy...

Nurse came in for a while and I asked her, did I opened my eyes or closed my eyes through out the operation? She said, I told her that I'm very sleepy and she asked me to sleep. When seeing doc, he said he had monitored and my oxygen went low... He had put an oxygen mask on me and asked me to breathe, and I asked him okay... These are not in my memory at all.. He also said that he had to monitor me before operation, so it takes a longer time. But he only took 5 mins to take out my lil precious...

Till now, we still feel upset deep in our heart... I will cry when I listened to certain songs and I'm afraid to be alone... We tot we have put it down, but it was nvr put down deep in our heart...

This blog, is for memorial for our lil precious that was unable to see the world... Wanna to tell lil precious that altho you gave us a real short period of joy, but daddy and mummy will always love you and you'll always deep in our heart and memory.

We Love You, Lil Precious!

你不是真正的快乐

2009-06-29T10:59:00.003+08:00

感谢五月天，在我最最最最需要安慰，需要解脱，需要麻醉，麻痹自己的时候，还有这么一首歌给我听。。。

原本在想，有天一定要带着自己的孩子，不管是在肚子里还是手牵着，带着他来看五月天的演唱会。我想，这是不可能的了。。。

我应该不会有自己的孩子了。。。我的心理，心智，应该永远都没办法让他觉得我准备好了。。。

为什么，跟自己最爱的人结婚了，还是会不开心？我为什么会走到这一步？都是我的错吗？我就像一个小孩，拼命的想要自己喜欢的人注意到我，关心我。。。

我承认，不管我做了些什么，都不会有人注意到我。。。人们只会记得以前的我，还没改变的我。。。

没有人会知道我已经改变。。。就算知道，也不会放在心里。。。当再一次的争吵来临时，他们只会想到过去的我，而不是已经改变的我。。。

我真得很累，很累，很累。。。我想要逃离，逃离这一切。。。我想去一个没有人会找到我的地方，过我一个人的生活。。。

我想要孩子，但如果我真的想要，却不能是我最爱的人的孩子。不然，就是离开他。。。

如果真有个时光机，真想回到还没结婚的我，还没遇到他的我。。。这样，我就不会遇到他，不会结婚，不会发生很多我不能面对的事，不会这么想要跟他有个小孩，不会走到这一步，不会那么不开心。。。

我想，真正的禹希需要长期的封闭起来。。。真正的禹希需要带个假面具，而这个面具有个很好的功能。就是遇到不一样的人，会有不一样的个性，不一样的脾气，但真正的面具却不会出现在人们的面前。。。

带着假面具的禹希，不会有任何心情起伏，不会心痛，不会哭。只会装着开心，穿梭在人群里。。没有人会知道她真正的心情，想法。。。就让这样的禹希带给人们快乐吧。。。

真正的禹希不会消失，她只会在没人的时候出现，与她的宝贝们说说心事，聊聊天。。。

会不会有真正快乐的一天？不知道，我真的不知道。。。只知道，不这样做的话，身边的人不会快乐，爱我的人不会快乐。。。那倒不如牺牲小我，完成大我呢？

祝：带着假面具的禹希快乐，幸福。。。
祝：封闭的禹希也幸福，快乐。。。

欢迎带着假面具的禹希！再见了，封闭的禹希。。。

伤心的日子

2009-04-21T10:54:00.002+08:00

今天是伟佳出殡的日子。到现在，我还是不能接受这个事实。。。

一个年轻有为的青年。一个才28岁的青年。一个有家庭的青年。怎么说走就走？

一切都来得太突然，没有人来得及反应。。。

都到了这个时候了，我还一直希望奇迹能出现，希望他能醒来，说他做了一场很长的梦但他还是醒来了。。。

我跟他不是很熟，但我还记得他那拥有很漂亮的酒窝。俊俏的脸蛋，灿烂的笑容，天真的表情。。。这些都还烙印在我的脑海里。。。

现在，我还能记得躺在棺木里的他的样子。。。与他俊俏的脸蛋有些不一样。。。毕竟，他跌进了8米深的洞里。。。

只是，还在想为什么他会跌得那么惨？为什么悲剧会发生？他没戴安全帽吗？他没带安全带吗？种种的问题都在我们的脑里面旋转着。。。

希望，他在另一个国度里能开心。。。也希望他在天之灵，能保佑他的全家人。。。

安息吧，伟佳（希望我没写错你的名字）。。。

my deepest condolenses

2009-04-18T20:13:00.003+08:00

to my lost contact friend...

din expect to get to hear his news was regards to his departure to this world, leaving his child and wife...

he fell to a 8m deep hole while doing maintenance at yard and passed away with multiple injuries...

why did God choose to summon him at this time? he's still so young and have a long way to go...

altho not close to him, but i'm still crying deep inside my heart...

how and wat will his family faced on his departure? may God bless his whole family...

always in memories - EU3045G...

2009-02-10T15:35:00.002+08:00

you have gave us happiness thru out the 2 yrs 1mth and 5 days time...

you have gone thru the goods and bads with us for this period and we are really appreciate for your service...

altho we really unbear to part with you but we knew that the new owner will treat you better than we do...

he will change your heart and brain for better health and strength... he will get your health back and not leave in humilation anymore...

he will unlock your abilities which we have locked and you will perform well in future...

he will help you to find ur honours and you also have to help him to get his acheivements.

lastly, we do hope to see you on the road again and also hope to meet you someday in serpang track..

Good Bye our 1st car, EU3045G... Altho we are not very willing to own you in the first place and cant afford to have you, but you will always be in our mind, our heart and our memories...

Hope to see you soon...

Love you always,
Your previous owner

感慨。。。

2008-11-03T11:08:00.002+08:00

以为做了正确的决定，怎么知道其实是错的？

当决定剪掉留了六年的头发是正确的，怎知道发型师听不懂我所要的发型。。。就这样，做了第一个错误的决定。

终于，觉得头发长了一些，所以想把头发修成我本来就想要的发型。这样慢慢的修，就可以拥有很渴望有漂亮的头发了。。。怎知道？又是一个错误的决定。。。这样，离我像样的发型很远，很远，很远了。。。不知道还要留多久，我的头发才能再长呢？

为什么他们都听不懂我所说的呢？

当听到家婆说他要把生意交给老公的妹妹，这样就能帮我们看孩子，所以叫我们尽快有孩子。我以为他要来新加坡帮我们看孩子，毕竟我们曾经讨论过这个问题了而他也答应了。只要等到他退休就可以了。。。怎知道，他是要我们把孩子放在邻国给他看。。。我不想。。。因为我不想跟孩子分开。。。但这个问题是其次。。。

问题是，我觉得老公的虫可能是路痴，所以找不到该去的地方繁衍。。。建议他去看医生，因医生说只要吃药就能决绝这问题了。。。但他却觉得不可能吃药就能决绝，而他也说他并没有在这一方面尽力。。。他也笑我的天真。。。他笑说我的理解能力很差，因医生说的并不是我所想象的。。。

但老公啊，你能理解我的烦恼吗？我不想一直认为是我的问题。不然为什么当你尽力的时候，我们也没成功呢？

你能不能听我的心声呢？不要一直笑话我，说我想太多，我太天真，我给自己太多压力。。。我知道，我真的很天真，想很多，给自己很多压力。但你能理解为什么吗？我不想再和你讨论这些问题，因你根本不会去理会我的想法。。。

我不知道你什么时候才是在尽力。。。我只知道，你不说，你不做，所有问题就只有在我身上。。。

我好累啊。。。你能真的明白吗？你能真的理解吗？你能真的听一下我的心声吗？

五月天，你们也太厉害了吧。。。

2008-10-28T15:05:00.003+08:00

每当五月天出新专辑，我都会随着他们的歌曲而思考。

就像最新的歌曲“你不是真的快乐”。我，真的快乐吗？我曾经真的快乐吗？

昨晚，在车里与老公思考了这问题，发现我们已经渐渐的忘了真正快乐的感觉了。这代表了我们离最后的真正快乐很远，很远了。。。

觉得不管在什么时候听他们的歌，不管是几年前的歌，都会有不一样的感觉和想法。

他们的歌，陪伴了我起起落落的生活。。。

谢谢你们，五月天。没有你们的歌，我不会感触良多也不会有更多更不一样的想法。

谢谢老公，没有你买的“人生海海”专辑，我不会认识五月天，也不知道其实我很喜欢他们的歌。。。

五月天，加油！！！

Super Import Nite

2008-09-23T13:48:00.002+08:00

have went to super import nite exhibition for help out on sat nite and sun... have discovered that there's alots of educated ppl dunno how to read english and dunno what is the use of the stand which separate the car from the ppl...

they can still touch the item or even hold it on their hands even it's indicated "PLS DON'T TOUCH".

we have exhibit a car, Aston Martin - Vaintage which James Bond rode on. as it's very expensive and avoid any scratches created during exhibitio, we had placed stand and prevent ppl from entering.

ppl still can just stretch out their hands to touch, to press on the car handle. some other exhibitors even knock on the carbon cover which is to cover the engine. dun really understand what's their thinking.

few incidents when our race queen were out for phototaking session. they were at Honda Civic Type R which is a distance away from Aston Martin. we are tending Type R and prevent others from stealing exhibit items and din really take note of Aston Martin. but when i turn my head over to take a look at it, there's a guy stepped into the stand and stand directly besides the Aston Martin. I was really angry and tell him in an very angry tone "Excuse me. pls do not step in!"

do they really understand what's the use of the stand???

another issue... those photographers are all color wolves. while i was tending the Aston Martin, i saw a guy who took pics of race queens' breast and buttocks ONLY, zoom somemore!

those photographers will lean to any thing that can support them while taking photos, even Porsche... we will need to tell them not to lean over to any of the car while taking photos.. i've encountered that a guy told me tat he din lean. i was really angry, i shoot back "yes, you did lean but now you din only". really angry...

how would they feel if it was their car that was being lean over? will they feel happy? no matter wat kind of car, it's just impolite to lean over, isn't it???

during the whole event, we got to know that for the 4 days exhibitions, all the photographers are the same, ie : they paid for 4 days tickets. their focus mostly lays on their breasts. they are really inhuman.

race queens are tired and need some rest or having lunch or even talking over the phone. they can just shoot photos even back facing them. even one of the race queen just sat down and have her lunch... are they desperates?

last year's exhibition was not tat messy like this year... always tot that sporeans are educated but din know that they can really ignore all the instructions, etc...

Sporean guys, you are really very disappointing, disgraceful!

心里最深处的感想

2008-09-08T10:23:00.002+08:00

也许你会看到这篇，但我相信你不会看到。。。

我觉得我并不适合你，你需要的也不是我。。。

要不要，我们分开一阵子，冷静的想想我们真的要继续吗？

我承认，我给自己很大的压力，深怕做得不好。又还没能替你家生个小孩，我真得很压力。。。但你好像从来没真正的看待我的压力。。。

我真的，真的，真得很想离开这个地方。。。到一个你们找不到的地方，但我没勇气，没勇气离开你。。。

我想放弃，我想逃避，可以吗？

Rude Taxi Driver, Rude Youngsters!!!

2008-08-29T10:15:00.002+08:00

yesterday after my class at orchard, i met a rude taxi driver on the road!

there's was a road upgrading (i think so) on the road outside The Delphi and it had took up 2 of the 4 lanes...

i was walking on the pedestrian and heard a loud and continuous horning sound on the road. i thought it was some driver who suddenly changed into the unblocked lane, so the driver behind want to alert tat driver.

but the horning sound doesn't end... it came like "bee bee bee" not "beeeeeeee"... i felt strange who would kept on horning like this manner and for so long?

then later was discover that it was from a trans cab driver who wore a spectacles... along the way when he horn, dunno is he looked at the workers or stared at them... all i knew was, he drives, he horn and looked on his left and done all in the same time.

does he knows that he was rude to the workers and dangerous driving in this manner... he drove passed quite a few workers and every workers he stared at, stared back at him angrily...

how i want to let the driver to know that, we encounter road upgrading almost everyday, esp he's a taxi driver. he shouldn't have reacted in this way. not only he was effected, all the drivers who drove past that area are all effected... why others can treat this normally but he cant?

he really have no manner on the road... this is a small issue to all drivers. or will he kept horning on traffice police if they have road block? he dared to?

there's another issue...

i was having my real late dinner or should i say is supper? nevertheless... prob is, this coffeeshop is open for 24hrs and they had banners on both end of the coffeeshop showing that speak softly after 11pm as not to disturbed other residents.

there's this one whole bunch of NTU students who went there for supper... they laughed like there's no one else except for them... they brought along a westerner and those who laughed real loud are the guys... we have already been very disturbed by them and they still dunno to lower their voice...

the coffeeshop lady boss went to them once strike 11pm but they ignored her... can see tat the lady boss really cant tahan them as when she spoke to them, she was really very unhappy..

again, they laughed out real loud and she screamed again... now, the auntie who we ordered drinks from, went to deliver their drinks and tell them again... u know what, everyone ignored her... there's still laughters from them...

until the lady boss told them that pls look at the banner in front of you! there's shouldn't be no more noise after 11pm!

i really wanted to shout at them. they are undergrads, cant they understand simple english which is just in front of them?

they are really disgraceful for the sporeans... now most of the young sporeans really dunno how to respect others and think for others. they think they are really that intelligent or they think they are real great?

pls think of others and put urself in other's ppl shoes!

i really cant understand...

2008-08-22T09:27:00.004+08:00

i just cant understand why there's someone who so unhelpful, unconsiderate and so self-centered...

he's no other except my uncle...

he can just write down the item, dimension and weight on a piece of paper and put it on my table... not just indicate on the carton box itself and want me to go and get all the informations from there...

cant he just understand that no matter what, he just have to jot down, why not make others work easier?

he just think of himself... i wonder what will his reaction when his wife is facing the same prob as me...? will he thinks that it's alrite for her to work in this way? or will he think that he also does the same to others and it's really not a wise choice?

i think he will be considerate to his wife, maybe... but definitely not others...

i just hate to work with him... how i wish tat i can just walk away from here and nvr see him again!

decision...

2008-07-31T10:14:00.002+08:00

i've decided to cut my hair shorter when we go back to M'sia this sunday... it's a pain to make this decision as it have been with me for 4 yrs... i have no choice as it's tickling me and my hubby...

i will always need to use lots of shampoo to wash them as it's very long now... somemore, it takes few hours to dry if i'm not using hairdryer... and it's not very healthy now either..

not cut till very short but at least shorter which maybe more manageable... i will sure be sad to see them shorter and i'll always remember that i did have such a long hair before...

but again, hopefully tat i'm going back this sunday. hopefully that i wun run away and decided not to cut. hopefully that i will remember to go to the saloon on sunday...

hopefully....

always hopefully...

faint

2008-07-24T14:01:00.002+08:00

dun really know if the candidates really read carefully of the requirements and qualifications when they want to apply for the job...???

i'm going thru the resumes for my sales & application engineer position, only 10% can be called for interviews and the rest dun really make the requirements and qualification...

wat i need is graduate from EEE not other engineering and with sales experience... those who wasn't being choose were either no experience on sales or diff qualifications.. worst, some neither have sales experience nor qualifications nor correct engineering experience.

i'm really having headaches when going thru the resumes... is it tat difficult to read carefully and apply? i know wat's their thinking... they was thinking maybe they will be consider for an interview even different experience or qualifications...

i cant deny tat they really stood a chance if we really have no choice.. but pls, not to the extend tat all requirements, experience and qualifications are totally different from ours... it's not rite... they are just wasting my time to read thru them and getting more frustrated over this issue...

reports shows that economy have went down and lots of ppl have no jobs... but for 1.5 years that the resumes i've received are limited...

haiz.. hope tat from these 4 candidates, we can hire 1 of them...

being questioned...

2008-07-21T15:12:00.002+08:00

haiz... i've been being questioned by few ppl on when to have baby these few days... i'm so so so frustrated...

1st, my hubby's 2nd auntie from father's side... asked me when to have baby out of sudden... have told her not that soon as no one to look after my bb once given birth... she told me to let my MIL to look after my bb and i told her tat i dun want. cos my hubby will need to work late frequently and he's having 6 working days. so we might not be able to see our kid if my MIL look after...

dunno is she cant hear me or she doesn't listen to me or...? she kept telling me to let my MIL to look after. honest speaking... i dun like all his aunties and uncles from his father's side... all very busybodies and destroried my wedding day. i really dislike them lots... and they like to talk nonsense and with 唯恐天下不乱 attitude. like to speak evils behind of others...

then she told me that she have a daughter in law who din gives birth aft 10 yrs marriage. seriously, i really dunno if she's consoling me or she's mocking at me. i dunno her intention on why telling me this thing. but i told her that she will have one once god thinks it's time for her to have one and this is the same as me. this ends our conversation.

2nd, my FIL... finally that he have opened his mouth to ask, but to my hubby, not me... he wun ask me this kind of issues... he started with "is ur wife pregnant already?" who knows? my hubby just shoot him with "no $ how to have bb?" and my FIL ended with a smile... i know he's disappointed, but it was due to his families members kept pressurizing him or mocking at him, tat's why he asked..

3rd, my eldest SIL... her hubby called me today and asked if i can entertain them when they come over to spore... sure i said can lah... then they started to ask me when i want to have bb... u know, it's really very stressful to being asked again and again... somemore i cant show my frustration at them...

although she told me she's just asking and told us no hurry, but i still felt uneasy and frustrated... my hubby said, "why should i care for their thinking? if i were u, i'll just tell them tat i dun want to have now. just tell them tat ur hubby dun want a bb now."

he's firm on this and of cos, w/o hurting me... i know that he want a bb also... but due to financial and of cos, not we want to have a bb then we'll have one, so he try not to show it out to me...

hope that i can be freed from these questions bah...

HELP MEEEE..........!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-17T12:06:00.005+08:00

i'll need to attend a wedding dinner which was from FIL's relatives... i hate to go there due to : -

1) most probably that hubby will not be attending this dinner due to work load... which means that i'll need to attend with my FIL only and i cant dealt with him at all....

2) most probably that his relatives will start asking me when do i want to have babies as his cousin got baby straight aft marriage lately...

3) as i cant dealt with my FIL, i have no idea on how to communicate with him and how to dealt with his gan jiong-ness...

4) there's no one tat i know of except for Fat & Shuling.. but dun think they will entertain me or maybe we'll not be sitting on the same table or they will not be attending...

i'm scared that i'll be lost when going to the hotel for dinner... it's really a very stressed task to go with him...

also, i have no dress to wear for dinner... 1 of the dress is too exposing which i dun think i'll wear if attend with my FIL... i'll look fattening for the other dress... the last dress is the real last consideration that i'll wear cos i regretted once i bought it... dun think have a chance to wear that dress unless i'm pregnant...

god! wat should i do? borrow a dress from gal or buy a new one for myself? or should i just mix and match with a top and a skirt? but if i was to wear that long skirt, i'll need a real high heel shoes and i dun think i'll used to it now...

short skirts i have are either out dated or is quite loose... i have tops to match but no bottom to match... was thinking if i should wear a pants to attend... but that pants is too troublesome... it got a zipper, 2 or 3 buttons and a silky scarf like belt... if i need to go toilet, it'll be too troublesome...

haiz.... wat i should do now..??? i'll be going to do manicure tml nite @ JP cos i still got lots of manicure to do if i want to finish the package...

think since i'll be going to JP to collect a parcel tonite, then i'll go to shop for a dress or skirt also... see if there's any that i liked and suits me...

haiz... i was there on tues and bought a shorts... i was thinking if i want to take a look at the dress but decided not to cos i dun have any function lately... now i have to do shopping alone again....

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Red Cliff

2008-07-14T16:44:00.003+08:00

heehee... went to watch Red Cliff last nite with hubby, irene and ren... the show was quite interesting altho it was quite diff from the original history which hubby and ren exclaimed... but was quite disappointed as have to wait for part 2...

i was kinda being hooked by this history after watched so many movies on this particular history of china. being a history student, i liked history very much. dun ask me why cos i also dunno...?

I always very curious when my past boyfriend and guy friends who loved to watch this history movies, drama, comics or even cartoons. to me, it was a very long story and always fighting here and there... but i now understand why... cos ppl might get hooked on this history due to the story... i'm one of them now....

that time, i was young and always loved fantasy and romance movies... but rite now, i loved to watch adventurous, history, wars and true stories movies... romance movie to me now is optional.

i had already bought a storybook on this history and only read for a few pages as the chinese are very chim... really need time to digest on wat they are trying to describe and wat are they trying to tell u...

but have decided to buy the drama for this history after last nite's movie... it had already activated the interest in me... heehee.. will buy it when i came across to it...

went to have jap food on sat @ jurong west sports recreation council... the food is quite nice but quite exp too... 4 ppl eating cost S$79 and i din eat much lor... have shared the cost with sis this time.

hubby's birthday coming soon and i still have not tot of buying what pressie for him yet... think most probably will buy a small slice of cake and treat him for a dinner... cant buy a big cake cos we will have to eat the cake for few days continuously... very tiring and fattening...

okay, just hope that i can think of a surprise for him on his birthday bah...

undescriptive feelings...

2008-07-11T09:23:00.003+08:00

it should be disappointed or happy?

'auntie' came yesterday just before i wanted to go out to buy pregnancy tester... have hope that it will be coming as having a bb now would be very stressful for us and bb...

but this time was the latest tat it had appeared monthly and somehow, i had some wishes tat it will not be coming for months...

i was really disappointed in the very first place and cried in the office... i cried tat bad tat my eyes are too tired and have a slight rest on my table... and glad tat no one was in the office these few days except me...

i was really very sad for the rest of the day.. no mood for work... this is not right... finally, few hours later i had thought it through... it was really not a very good time to have bb now... i really not ready to sacrifice my time for bb and financial not stable yet...

hope that i will really have my own bb one fine day...

Late

2008-07-09T09:46:00.002+08:00

today is the 7th day which i had missed my mense. i have this mensual cramp these few days just like before, but it still haven't come yet...

i have strong feeling that it will be coming soon but have been waiting for nearly a week... my mense have been late once when few mths back but everything went fine after that...

last mth, my mense was late too but it wasn't that late. it came after ard 3rd or 4th day... this time is the latest, i think... and... i hope that i'm not pregnant...

not that i dun want a child of my own, but wat can i provide our child now? financial not stabilised and still in debt... can i provide well for my child if i have it now?

although that i hope it wun be coming this mth as i'm quite weak this mth but still quite worrying...

think wat i want is to skip mense this mth and resume next mth... is it possible? maybe i'm too weak and tat's why it's been late or wun be coming this mth...?

if by tml and it still din come, it really will break my record.... as i had it late for abt a week when few years back...

Anwar

2008-07-03T16:04:00.003+08:00

have read news for anwar case. for me, i believe that he was innocent for sodomy this time round.

if he really have this hobby of sodomy and found guilty 10yrs ago, i dun think he's that stupid to do it again at this moment when he wanted to lead the nation and needed trust from them. this isn't a wise choice to do so now.

i was even thinking if he was really guilty 10 yrs ago for accusing of sodomy acts or maybe he really did tat?

if even ppl like us will know of the consequences if we choose to do so now, i'm sure he will think twice before action. he's not a dumb.

not that i like anwar, i have no comments for all of them. but in terms of fairness, i think he din do it this time, or maybe i was wrong.

Kenya - Tortured children !!!

2008-06-26T09:51:00.003+08:00

i'm really angry!!! what's happening to the world now???

torturing and raping the poor children does make those ppl out there felt superior and satisfied??? do they feel they are great?

pls think, does they want their kids to be treated the same way they treated the others? if not, why does things in this way?

Kenya military was found to be torturing the children as they suspected the kids are helping the militia. oh pls, are they out of their mind? wat can those kids do? they are just ard 10 yrs old, wat can they helped?

i do believe that kids at this age doesn't know how to lie to the grown ups and even some do, not all will. their government doesn't want to help or rather din want to admit that they are doing those evils things to the kids and said they have no complaints and none of the soldiers were found guilty.

of cos, none of them will feel guilty even if they had done it! they think they did the right thing or rather the kids are there for them to bully, tortured and even raped. even the government knew that their military are found guilty, they will just hide the truth and covered all these matters!

wat a great government they are!

God or Buddha out there, pls do bless those who's suffering out there... no matter are the children or adults, no matter which country, where are they, wat are the sufferings... pls just bless them.

不孝女!

2008-06-24T15:08:00.004+08:00

我的天哪！我怎么会忘了妈妈今天去复诊呢？

我原本还想请半天假然后陪她去复诊呢。。。妈妈打了通电话给我，通知我说她已经复诊好了，准备回家了。我才记起来。。。

我的记忆力真的越来越差了。。。不知道是我老了还是父母老了。。。怎么我比他们还健忘呢？

唉！至少医生说没事。。。呵呵呵，今晚回家就让她骂骂吧。。。

Sick...

2008-06-24T11:34:00.003+08:00

my mood is bluey....

have been having this cough for abt 3 weeks. though have found my voice back in the 1st week, but coughing have not been recovered yet. think have harm my throat for coughing that hard...

2nd week, flu came after on my aircon in the nite on an extreme warm weather... haiz... installed aircon but cant enjoy that, isn't this suffering?

now, hubby is sick too due to heaty and my coughing... hope that he could recover soon bah...

was planning to see doc yesterday evening but due to hubby need to work overtime last min and me waiting for him at his workshop for more than an hour before we could go for our dinner...

was still thinking if need to see doc anot as i'm feeling better after took a flu tablets last nite before sleep.

hope that i will feel better and no need to see doc this mth... i'll try...

have took some photos but din have the time to post out.. or i'm lazy to upload? heehee.. is actually lazy to upload...

will try to upload the photos within this week bah...

恭喜淑玲！

2008-06-20T10:13:00.003+08:00

这一对新人，在我们3对里是最晚结婚的却是最早有孩子的。今年3月中结婚的他们，是婚后马上有孩子的。如今孩子有10星期大了。

他们是我老公的堂兄嫂，他们率先有孩子，不免让我有巨大压力。毕竟他家族并不喜欢我家婆，所以因该会一遇到我们就会问我们几时要生孩子。家公他也会问吧。。。

不是我不要生，而是我能生吗？经济能负担吗？他们能马上就有孩子也是因为他们没额外的经济压力。据我所知，他们还没买房子吧，也没买车，又有家人可以帮忙照顾孩子。

哪像我们，有新加坡的屋子要供，马来西亚的公寓要供，有车的负担，要还我爸钱，还要找保姆照顾孩子。我们的负担太大了。。。

希望我们能在明年年尾就还清爸爸的钱。希望老天能让我中奖。我要的不多，只要能够还清欠爸爸的钱就好了。。。

希望老天在上面能上网，并且看看我的愿望。。。呵呵呵。。。痴心妄想吧。但还是希望愿望能成真。

再次恭喜康和淑玲！

生日快乐！

2008-06-12T21:26:00.008+08:00

***祝我生日快乐，祝我生日快乐，

祝我生日快乐，祝我生日快乐***

今天是我的生日，妈妈，姐姐和外甥帮我庆祝。姐姐请我到摩天轮坐了一圈，其实也并没那么可怕。

再过不久，我的生日就要过去了。。。就如我先前所说，今天无缘吃田鸡粥了。。。不知道是原因或借口，但真的没吃。。。

老公他买了花送我，我因该是很开心的。但就是开心不起来，却也不知道为什么。他也忘了买蛋糕给我，这是他自己给我的承诺却也忘了。。。

但他最后临时地去买了个蛋糕给我。。。很是感动。。谢谢你，老公！

今年的生日就这样的度过了。。。再一次的“祝我生日快乐！”

谢谢妈妈，姐姐和 Kevin 帮我过生日。谢谢老公为我所作的一切。谢谢朋友们的简讯祝福，谢谢你们都还记得我的生日。

我今天过得很开心。再一次得谢谢你们！！！

mistake

2008-06-10T12:57:00.002+08:00

it's a sole repsonsibility if matter handled by only 1 ppl...

it'll be not only 1's repsonsibility if matter handled by a group of ppl...

i know and admit that i have mistake and willing to take full responsibilities and explain to boss... but the 1 who also have a small part of mistake, why he seems to push all the blames to me?

it's definitely not a very good mth for me on jun... but why is it on jun???

extremely moody...

改变

2008-06-10T09:56:00.003+08:00

我原本想要改变我对你的态度。但你说你装作听不懂我说的话是因为你觉得我很烦人，希望在得不到你的理解后，我能就不再开口而不了了之。

当我听到你说我很烦人后，我想我暂时不想改变我对你的态度了。因为，现阶段的我并不想和你对话。

让我慢慢的淡忘昨晚的事情吧。

我原本以为我在这个月是快乐的，至少在我生日结束前。但是，我错了。。。延续去年在我生日时的不快乐，今年又发生了这些的不愉快。

我以为你会体谅我因月事的变化，体谅我身体的不舒服，但没有。。。

我不喜欢你在大庭广众强行的拉我。我想我曾经告诉过你我，不知道是你忘记还是我真的没说。但，男女是一样的，都需要面子。而你在这方面却往往的忽略掉了。。。

我不想和你一起庆祝我的生日了，至少这是现在的想法。。。我放弃去吃田鸡粥了。。。经过昨晚的事，我现在无法开心的过我即将到来的生日了。。。

我想你也不会想逗我开心了，那就这样的度过我的生日吧。。。

写了那么多，你也不会上网来看我的心情日记。。。

success!

2008-06-09T15:43:00.002+08:00

Yes! i've success of changing my templates with a new blogskin and the info stated on the blog!

this was an very tough task for me and i actually had done it without other's help!

actually, the blogger's help center, doesn't helped me much and so same as the help group. but still thanks to those who helped me on the help group. it's ur msg that inspire me to do the changes on the template itself and had success!

wooohooo....! i liked my new blogskin!!!

wedding pix

2008-06-09T13:15:00.000+08:00

early celebration of father's day

2008-06-09T11:13:00.002+08:00

Happy Daddy's Day to my dad!

Sorry to my dear parents that I had to have an early celebration with both of you as I can't join family celebration due to some reasons that both of you know.

Over the small dinner, I was glad that both of you knew what's my favourite food and kept taking the food for me...

Thanks mum that no matter where, when, you will always been taking food for me even though I've already married and my hubby is by my side.

Thanks dad & mum, both of you are the best!!!! Loves you both always and forever!!!!

Have been helping my mum to do praying for dragon boat's festival. Although hubby only reached home at 2.45am after work, he still managed to wake up early and drive me to mummy's house and have breakfast with her..

It's been such a long time since I last helped her on the this praying issues... Luckily that I had not forgotten all procedures...

Mum's leg is having pain again, have prayed to grandfather and asked him to bless for both my dad & mum's health. Hope that they can be more healthier than ever.

In the evening, we had went to the dinner organised by the temple that my MIL is visiting. From the past experience, the food wasn't that nice but it was different last nite due to different restaurant was being selected.

Although the food selection is almost the same, but the taste is different and were nicer than previous restaurant.... That's great!

Oh yah, we had found a wallet that was being stolen and discarded behind of our shoe cabinet in the corridor! Didn't notice it if we didn't clear our plants and trying to place the broom behind of the shoe cabinet.

Was intended to go and report to our neighbourhood police post after our dinner as we are running late. But it was closed. Didn't NPP operate 24/7? Although it was located in CC, but still they have to be open as if there's any robbery or anyone needed to report to police in late nite?

I shall find if there's any website for more info for NPP operating hours...

screwed

2008-06-05T14:31:00.002+08:00

just found that i had made double payment to supplier, AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

so far as i could remember, this happened twice. first is by chq payment and now is t/t payment.

for the chq payment, luckily that it was discovered earlier before sent out and just need to cancelled that chq will do.

but for this t/t payment, beneficiary have already received the payment. this mistake shouldn't be happen as i have a copied of invoice which i will saved on my pc when payment have been cleared.

yes, i din check my pc.

yes, it's my mistake.

now what i can do is to send out email to my lady boss, my boss and accountant to inform them of this incident and ask them to take note of this issue.

next, was to deduct this double payment amt on next payment. luckily that we still have 2 outstanding payment from this supplier and now requesting their invoice and hope to clear this mess as soon as possible.

gonna gotta another good scolding from my boss again...

felt that he's not really happy with my performance these days...

haiz.... wat to do? my fault...

god bless me.... pls..................................................................

Narnia - Prince Caspian

2008-06-04T09:23:00.002+08:00

went to watch Narnia last nite. truly enough that it's not as good as the first movie but i still like this episode.

unlike LOTR which have boring and messy scenes, Narnia gave me the exciting and thrills feeling while watching...

not a bad show...

change of template

2008-06-03T19:10:00.001+08:00

have finally changed my template. but then to find out that there's some info on the blog page which i cant edit....

haiz... what should i do...???

Passed!

2008-06-03T16:46:00.002+08:00

Hurray! I've passed my E2 exams on friday and got 19 more marks than E1 exams!

Delightful is my feeling now.... somemore, it's my birthday month now!

Have took a day leave on my birthday as my sis wanted to celebrate for me. Although not very willingly to waste my leave, but still very happy that someone wanted to celebrate my birthday.

It's been such a long time since i have my last birthday celebration with my family members... I'm touched and glad to hear from her for this... even if celebration calls off, i'm still touched and glad...

I haven't been that happy on my birthday month for such a long time... A long lost feelings finally came back...

End of Exhibition

2008-05-23T11:00:00.002+08:00

Exhibition have ended yesterday. It's like "Finally, it had ended my miserables!".

The responds and attendants are not up to our expected. Remember the exhibition held 2 years ago, we are really busy and didn't really have time to rest or chit-chatting and we even have to buy lunch back and need to stand when eating.

But this year, not only I can hop around to chit-chatting, we can even enjoy more than an hour's lunch break. We get to see the crowd became lesser and lesser each day.

First day, the lunch queue is very long that the queue line was started from our booth (our booth is in the middle of the exhibition and lunch location was at the end of the hall). And we can get to see the crowd were much more lesser on the 2nd and 3rd day.

During this event, I was also quarrelled with the stupid "uncle" from my company twice on the same day. Was still thinking should I resign becos of him. Is it worth to endure with him and help my boss? Or is it worth to quit this good job and good boss becos of this stupid uncle? These questions still pondering in my brain. Cant get the right answer till now.

I think I should think thoroughly for these questions. Which is more worthy for me? What should I choose? I really need some time to think...

labrator park

2008-05-12T11:18:00.002+08:00

It's a wonderful outing day with hubby... Went to Bugis for a walk in the afternoon... nothing much, just walk around...

After that, we went to anchor point to look for my pants. As majority of the retails shop there are factory outlet stores, so the items there are cheaper than those in other shopping centres.

Went to this 咖啡巷 located at B1. The food there are more or less the same as Ah Kun but they served ice-cream bread! but too bad... i'm too full to have it... Hubby ordered 2 half boiled eggs for himself...

Then we went to look for my pants... have found some pants that i liked very much.. but it's too translucent, so decided not to get them... *sobs*...

Since we didn't found any suitable pants for me, so we left anchor point and headed to labrador's park... it's the very first time we went there and the nite view is quite nice... most imptly, is the sea wave sound... it's so peaceful and windy... It's a great place for relaxing. Hope to go there soon... but most probably will be aft my exams... haiz...

想念

2008-04-14T13:32:00.002+08:00

我好想念我老公，虽然我们只有一天没见面。。。

昨晚，我忍不住了。在我睡前哭了。我忍了很久很久很久，但最终还是抵抗不了我内心深处的想念。

今晚，就在今晚我们可以见面了。我们可以团聚了。但不知道几个月后，是否还是要再面对一次？

Nervous

2008-04-11T10:27:00.002+08:00

Today will be the start of my E2 class, am nervous and totally stressed out.

Cos, I din score a good rates for my E1 class and din really study hard enough for my E1 lessons before today's class.

How I wish that I could turn the time back that I din study my jap language... Totally stressed out... as i'm the first and only one in co who intiate to took up this course and my boss is proud of me. and of course, gave me lots of stressed as he kept telling everyone that I took up this course...

Oh... who can help me now?

6pm or nite?

2008-03-24T17:51:00.002+08:00

now is near 6pm, but the sky seems to be like 7pm or later due to the heavy rain, or should i say pouring rain?

looking upon the sky, it's seems that someone is pouring water from sky to the earth and you still can see that the water sway from one place to another... the rain may falls from the right of the sky and drops on the left of the flooring.. from here, you can imagine how windy it is outside now...

cold cold cold... it's like end of the yr where raining seasons is in the way... how come the warm weather goes by that fast?

Missing JL Leader

2008-03-06T12:20:00.002+08:00

This is the very first time that Spore have amiss on their security, so far for what i know of lah. Immediate action have been taken and investigation of why this JL leader can escape from the centre.

Because of Mas Selamat bin Kastari, the whole nation of Spore and maybe the whole world starts to worrying again as we dunno where will he starts bombing.

Until we have caught him, Spore will be in high attention for searching for his man. As time goes by, all government servant will be brain drained, mentally and physically stressed out. Not only government servants, i think residents of spore will be in alert for searching for this man too. Not for the rewards only and also for the safety of the whole world. \

Have went to M'sia on 28th Feb which is a day after his escape. Woodlands customs and Tuas Checkpoint are full of trucks, motorcycles and cars. We can understand the measures taken in checkpoints and we din make any noise during the traffic jam. Actually, Tuas din jammed as much as Woodlands. It was jammed becos that they are combining 2 lanes of cars into 1 lane and traffic is smoothed for those cars who had been changed to the lane.

The other reason for traffic jam at Tuas, is becos of the trucking. As they need full checking on all trucks, so it'll take longer time for the truck to move. Truck drivers really have a hard time and tiring after a day's work.

I was also impressed by the attitude of the customs officer at Tuas. After we have passed throught the counter, there are officers standing on the road to check on the vehicles. After the stressing instructions given by the government and a long day of work, they remain their polite and smiled. Maybe not all officers, but at least they are trying to put out the fire for the drivers as they had waited for maybe an hour to reached the checkpoint.

If the man managed tp escaped to another country successfully, i think every officers at spore customs will be penalised. That's why customs officers are now very stressed too. Maybe we should be more patient when facing then and the whole situation.

I hoped that this guy will be caught in no time. So that spore can be in peace again. But security measures must be improved in all centres and prisons. Although it's shameful that spore had actually letting a dangerous man escaped, but at least they are quick in taking action.

Still Long Way to GO!

angry

2008-02-26T14:15:00.002+08:00

I'm angry

Very Angry

EXTREMELY ANGRY!!!!

have quarrel with a jerk over emails and verbally... dampened my day after a day's leave... hate to see him and wished that i could resign from this job...

but, boss says wait till he comes back to find a solution for improvement... i'll wait for his return...

nvr seen a man that's so sissy... thinking packing is sole responsibility of mine... TMD!

he should do the packing instead of me... have given him clear instruction that i'm busy and told him to pack that small item. he din reply that he cant do it wat... now email me, cc boss to shoot me for this matter and other? i have valid reasons, so why the hell sent me this kind of email to embarassed himself?

in the email, he mention the previous shipment delayed was due to my fault... so, do i have to remind him everytime of his mistakes made? pls lah, be more matured lor... nvr put 2 matters into one issues, doesn't he knows abt it meh?

so old le, still so childish... shameful!

First Day in Gold Coast

2008-01-19T23:28:00.000+08:00

It's wonderful when just step into the land of Gold Coast, Aussie... The weather is cool and wind breezing...

We went to Dreamworld straight after arrived in Gold Coast... Saw their Limosine at the carpark located at the airport... Gosh... it's really very posh... how i wished that we could sit in that car and not a bus... sob sob...

Well, Dreamworld is not as fantastic as we thought but still quite fun... hubby have took some rides with my boss and colleagues and it was fun! Tho i din join in as i'm not really interested in those rides, but they enjoyed the rides... It's very diff from those rides in Spore and Genting.. It's very exciting and it's much more higher and faster than we thought.

The food there was not very fantastic as well... nothing much to choose from, so i only have some salads and cakes... They have ice-cream but there's no more bowls when it was my turn and was having long q... lost my appetite after that...

We took pictures with the kangaroos which lying ard in the park... timid me, doesn't dare to have real contact with them cos scared that they will jumped up anything time...

next, we proceed to q up for paying to take photo with koala bears! it was fun and smelly too... when u look down on the floor where the pictures are taken, it was full of shits and luckily that it din urine on us... or else, it'll really spoilt the trip...

after lunch, was our free time... have been walking ard to take pics... some very funny pics taken and had done a temp tatoo... not very fun as during that time, my hubby still haven't have the mood to take any exciting rides.. reason? very tired after a long flight with no enough sleep...

watched a show on the kangaroos which made me slept inside the theatre... sorry to say the truth, but it was real boring...

after the show, we came pass of a restaurant and found that my boss and one of my colleague were down there... it was the time when my boss jioed my hubby to the rides and he agreed...

they continued to take all kinds of rides within an hour before the closure... we left Dreamworld at 5pm with a photo taken in the front door of Dreamworld...

We proceed to check in our hotel rooms straight after Dreamworld... Hotel not bad and we faced the surfers paradise on 45 degree to our rite... very cosy in the nite time when u are at the balcony...

only have 30mins for us to wash up... cant take it anymore, forced hubby to have a bath, as well as me...

we are having chinese food for dinner and is just ard the corner of the hotel... wow... it's very cooling when walking down on the streets... cool breeze and making u shiver... this is wat we cant exprienced in spore...

it's our free time after dinner... was really tired and din run too far away from the hotel... went to surfers paradise for a real short walk... the sand is silky and u'll feel cooling when stepping on the sand... it's so smooth that u will start to sink with every step u are making... another extraordinary experience in gold coast which u cant in spore...

while walking down the streets, heading back to the hotel, we saw their parking system.. it's like wat we saw in HKG drama which there's a machine for you to pay for parking fees...

Well, we ended that nite just like tat, as we are really too tired... not enough sleep during our nite flight... it's not a good exprience for taking nite flight...

Passed

2007-12-31T10:51:00.000+08:00

have passed my jap exams on saturday... not very happy on the results as i just passed only... bit of disappointed on myself as i should have done better...

i've told myself that not bcos of my knowledge that had made me passed... but just bcos that God knew that i had actually put some effort on this exams but not all efforts... so He had let me passed for this once, so tat i will put in more efforts on next level...

i've decided to study for this level and must know at least 80% before i proceed to the next level. however, no matter what, i must start on my next level by april 2008 as my results for this level will be forfeited after april 2008.

now, i'll have more time for myself for the time being.. which means, i can update my blog in no time... if, i can go home earlier today, i will update some of the details on my aussie trips... if not, think have to wait till tml aftnn or on saturday le...

have to wish everyone a HaPPy nEW YeAR!!! May everyone's wishes come true and work harder on year 2008!

Thanks to year 2007 for giving me a wonderful year althou there's lots of happening in 2007!

Welcome for year 2008! Hope that you will give us a better year and may our wishes come true on year 2008!

Back from Aussie!

2007-12-24T11:57:00.000+08:00

heehee... have been back from aussie for 4 days and still haven't update anything on blog yet... will try to do so as soon as possible.

now still busy over my jap course... test for E1 will be on this sat and must score at least 60 marks in order to continue in E2. STRESSED!!!

have also bought a new camera at aussie airport... well, it's an impulse act for both of us... cos when we reached home and open our letter box, we found that purchase locally will be much cheaper as there's free memory card... Boohoohoo.... really regretted to buy there... but simply luvs this camera as it's in PINK!

hubby knew that i luvs sony's pink colour series, so he choose pink for this camera... really luvs him to core!!!

well, gonna celebrate x'mas eve today with him at East Coast Park... hope that we can really go there tonite, as hubby might be very busy today... scared that he might not be able to finish his work on time today... well, let's keep my fingers crossed for today...

wishing everyone a Merry X'Mas here!!! Njoy urselves!!!

永远怀念的小虎队。。。

2007-11-29T17:19:00.000+08:00

很感谢嘉惠在933播出了小虎队的特集，并且让我记得以前如何的迷恋他们。

人是小虎队是在小学五年级吧。当时不但卖了他们的卡带，还买了一些周边商品。但然，买这些东西的钱是我辛辛苦苦存来的零用钱。

最近回忆起他们，让我从新的感受到他们分离时的辛酸，也陪了他们一起流泪时的情景。

我此刻才想起来，我买的所有卡带都已经不翼而飞了。。。这真的让我很伤心。以往说珍惜的宝贝竟然不见了。。。

我现在好想好想马上找到所有转集的CD，然后再像宝贝一样的珍惜。我还想再买他们现在的作品来珍藏，以安慰一下自己。。。

虽然他们都已各分东西，但他们在圈内的发展还是很不错的，而他们的感情是值得让我们学习的。觉得好幸福哦，因为，我也有我很珍惜的朋友们还有，绝对不能忘记我的好老公！

希望我的愿望会实现吧！

自以为是的中国人和外劳

2007-10-18T10:01:00.000+08:00

请不要误会，我不是针对每个中国人。

我发现，新加坡越来越多中国人和其他的外劳了。我不喜欢这样的新加坡，因为觉得很不安也不自在。单单在我住得住屋，就有很多外劳，什么国际都有。有时候回家时，就觉得很不安全。

另外，他们过马路也不看红绿灯。有几次就差点撞到他们。他们会慢慢得过马路，不然就不按照红绿灯。更糟糕的是，它们明明看到绿人已经转红了，他们还过马路，不然就干脆把脚车停在半路。他们这样很危险，驾驶者也很危险。

而其他的皮肤较黑的外劳，也在黑漆漆的地方坐着喝酒，不然就穿深色的衣服过马路。有时候就差点被他们吓死了。

想请这些外劳们，既然你们是在别的生活，就要尊重我们的生活方式。寄人篱下的感觉不是很好，我明白。但你们这样不顾他人的感受而有这么霸道，会使我们更讨厌你们。

我的心情。。。

2007-10-17T22:05:00.000+08:00

这是我第一次以华文来写部落格，不知道还可以吗？

自从四月发生的事情到现在，发现我的心理从此开始不平衡了，也因此开始了我轻微的忧郁症。。。脾气开始暴躁了起来，我老公也变成了我的出气筒。觉得他不够细心，不够关心我。

我会经常会想起他们所对我们做过的事，说过那些难听的话，还有我那么信任的姐姐如何的出卖我。我很想跟他们划清界限，不想看到他们。但世事难预料。在Friendster里面，又见到了那个令我讨厌到极点的“姐姐”。

让我更生气的是，她竟然看了我的资料。我觉得，既然你认为已经不要我这个妹妹，那你为什么又要来看我的资料呢？知道她会看我的资料后，我就故意写了一些指桑骂槐的字眼，想气死她。结果，我的心结越结越深，也让我越过越不开心。我会一直绞尽脑汁的去想要写些什么来气死她。

我开始觉得这已经不是原来的我了。我已经迷失了我自己。我不要这样的我但却一直找不到能帮助我的人。上帝是不是不要帮我了？还是它一直都在帮助我呢？我也不知道。。。只知道，再没人来帮我的话，我会崩溃致死的。

直到现在，我还在等待那个能帮助我的人的出现。多么希望这个人会是我老公，但这么跟他说，都说不通。今天也发现，再次想到他们的时候，我也没那么生气了。希望这是一个好的开始。也希望我能开开心心的过日子，然后尽快有宝宝。。。

Success!

2007-10-11T17:31:00.000+08:00

Oh Yah!!!

I've done a succesful fried rice last nite for dinner! It's my very first attempt for fried rice and there's egg in every single rice!

Though there's some lack of taste, like a bit too plain and felt something missing, but still taste not bad...

But hubby says he prefer to have fried rice which had dark soy sauce added... I dun felt appertizing after seeing the black colour of fried rice. So when I was doing the cooking, i decided not to add the dark soy sauce... Partly bcos of the colour and partly bcos that the fried rice that i cooked is in yellow colour... Which made the success.

Hope to have the chance to cook fried rice again... Next time must have some improvement!

Touching...

2007-10-08T16:35:00.000+08:00

I was glad that other than my dear parents, my hubby's family and my dear friends, I have my boss cum friend cum brother...

We are on skype chatting that day he went to KL. During his waiting for my M'sia colleague to pick him up at KLIA, he was online we are chatting... He said, he will be going to this colleague's house soon to see his new born baby and I had actually asked him to pass him an angbao for me first. Suddenly, he said, hope to see my and my other colleague's baby soon cos the 3 of us were actually got married just a week difference. Coincidence, me and my KL sales coord got married on the same day!

I told him that i am trying hard to conceive and are very stressed as i was being cursed by my sis that i wun be able to have my own baby. His first reaction was : How come your sister like tat one...?

I told him a very small part of the story and had told him that i was actually wanted to tell him my problems at that time... But due to his tectic work schedule and load, so i decided to leave him alone.

What he said have really make me felt touching. He said : "As long as I'm in office, you can look for me for any problems. If I'm not busy, then it'll be doom for our company. I treated you as my sister, so feel free to look for me when you have any problems..."

This is the 2nd person who told me this. The very first person was my hubby's boss. Who actually consoled me when I was being betrayed by one of my sister who have revealed their company's small detail to Mrs Dog.

Honest speaking, i was truly touched by these 2 bosses who treated me and my hubby as brothers and sisters... I'm glad that i knew them and definitely, they wun be just a by-passers in my life.

I'm glad that my hubby found M.R and I found JSD.

See What See?!

2007-10-03T11:46:00.001+08:00

This is dedicated to "Mrs Dog" although she wun get to see it.

My profile doesnt welcome you to view. If you have take a look for once at my profile, then i might just forget it...

But do you need to view it every now and then? I've had change my settings whereby you are unable to view my profile now... If you want, u can look for Ching and ask her to take a look at my profile and update you...

I dun mind any other looking at my profile but except you and your doggie family. I detest you and your family for using such a despicable method in order to fulfill your needs. You should be happy that all my others sisters have betrayed me... But you will know it one day as God are watching over all your movements.

I want to be big-hearted and wish you well, but i dun think i can do it now.... I wun wish you good, cos i detest you from the bottom of my heart and soul.

Is Violence needed???

2007-10-03T11:18:00.000+08:00

I dun think violence is a good solution for any problem occurs, including the Myanmar incident...

The monks are having a peaceful demostration, I really dunno why they are using violence to against these monks and the way they handled this matter have truly failed...

Not only they gave us, the foreigner and other government bad impressions, I think they din even gain any support from their ppl too.

All these problems aroused bcos of the government have increased the price of almost everything and the price is so high that the monks and the residents are unable to take it. The monks started it as they felt that the residents cant take the high cost of items and cant give much to their temples and leading the temples to suffer too. This is not unlogical too.

They had asked the residents not to join their demostration as afraid that the residents might get hurt. Everyone, pls think... Anyone who are so kind and having a peaceful protest and do they deserve the violence from gun shots, and beating to death? If they do deserve it, then I think 90% of the ppl in this whole world should deserve this kind of treatment too, which includes their government and of cos me too.

Problems can be solved in a gentle way whereby they can hold a meeting with the monks, residents or stand up to tell them the reason behind the price increasement. This not only will gain respect from the residents and also will gaim respect from other nations. But they choose the most stupid way to solve this problem.

Monks in their country are very holy and hold a big respect from the residents. Hoping that the government will stop this violent way of treatment to the monks and residents. And also STOP threatening the residents. This is not a way of doing things when you know that threatening is a crime.

If government can threaten residents, then residents might learn from government too. This is not a good example to show the residents and the rest of the nations.

Irresponsible Candidates!

2007-09-22T10:47:00.000+08:00

Thursday, I had put aside all my jobs just to contact the selected candidates for an interview session on friday. Agreed to come for interview have 5 candidates but only 2 have came for interview...

Had received emails from 2 candidates yesterday morning and telling me he's not coming or is sick and would like to postpone the interview till next week... I can say that though my boss' schedule is really packed, but i still arranged another interview for this candidate only as he managed to let me know that he's not coming till to sickness.

But the other one who din turned up yesterday, din even inform us that he's not coming. He cut off my line twice when i called him! If he answered the call and telling me that he's not coming, i will not be tat angry... he's really a irresponsible and immatured...

My boss have actually put aside all his appointment yesterday just to conduct the interview and he's not happy abt it... Soon, he'll be overseas again and will focus more on China market, but till now, we are still unable to find a suitable candidate...

It's really disappointing... Is it due to the ecomony is improving which results these candidates to be so irresponsible? Cancel an interview is not a difficult task but why they cant just make an effort to call us? Is it possible to scold them if they call to cancel the appointment?

What is the world turning to? And how will it turned to?

Post-dated Blog

2007-09-18T17:50:00.001+08:00

Celebrations of 3rd yr anniversary have ended without hubby's promises... Sad thing to say that he had actually forgot abt his promise the whole day... A bit of disappointed for his forgetfulness. But we still enjoy this day...

We went to Sentosa on this day and it's his idea... We reached there only at ard 1pm and we din spent the whole aftnn there as we are all tired...

We have played something like Go-Cart and I have forgotten the actual name... It was fun! But the scary part for me was to travel on the sky ride... it was something like cable car but it was like opened to the air, unlike cable car which have "box" to cover u up...

I'm afraid of heights and i regretted to take this ride.. will nv try this again!

We carry on to our cable car ride... but the ride, we enquired abt the sky dinner which we intend to have on the same day but unfortunately (or luckily) that we need to make reservation in a week in advanced... So we din have the dinner but went on to the ride for 2 way...

We enjoyed the ride except for the giddiness. It's our first time to ride in cable car together and it's my first time to ride in cable car in spore... We decided to cancel the sky dinner as we are planning to have on 7th Oct instead... It's was expensive and we dun think we can go off at the end of the dinner without vomit all the food we took... Disgusting rite...?

Well, below are our photos taken on this day... not many as we are really tired...

PS : Dun go to Sakae Sushi at Sentosa for Chawamushi... It doesn't taste as nice as i took out of this island...

Raining dayz....

2007-08-28T11:06:00.001+08:00

Raining dayz, it meant for sleeping day as you can sleep in comfort...

Raining dayz, it's a relaxing day as you can listen to the rythem that falls from the sky...

Raining dayz, it's a saddening day as god cries, but not to our knowledge if it's for happiness or sadness...

Raining dayz, it's a frustration day as we have to carry an unbrella wherever we go...

I love raining days when i remember to close my windows at home, so tat it wun be flooded when i reach home after work...

I love raining days when there's no where that i'll be going...

I love raining days as it helps me to relax my body and my mind...

I love raining days as if it can helps to wash away all my sorrows...

I love raining day as i love raining days...

How about you?

3rd rOm aNnIVErsaRY!!!

2007-08-21T17:34:00.001+08:00

hehehe... ROM anniversary coming soon liao... Thinking where should we go..?

hope that we doesn't need to go back to Kota Tinggi on tat day...

haiz... long time din went back liao... think my MIL not very happy abt it... but wat to do..? we are very tight up liao... dun even have time to be together and will go back whenever we have the time... hope tat she understand bah...

this sunday, another gathering at my eldest sis house to celebrate my dearest nephew's birthday.... i will attend no matter wat.... sis and mum wanted me to address them when on sunday when we met... but i insist tat i wun do tat...

cos i nvr address them in the past even when there's no problem exist yet, then why should i address them now? if i address them now, it means that i'm telling them tat we are sorry for wat had happened... which i strongly felt tat no one's at fault for these things happen and it's their fault to scold my hubby n those words...

but then i think again, i can address them but i will call them uncle and auntie... cos she dun treat me as her sister and dun recognise me as tat, then i should follow my hubby's addressing rite...? by then, pls dun find fault in me as i had address them as per your request....

found that i had been blogging those unhappiness in the blogs. think it's time for me to stop le... i want to forget abt the incidents and lead a happy life... i dun want to blog abt them le... i can blog my other unhappiness but dun want to blog the problems between them liao...

everything will have a full stop and i want to be happy, so it's time to put a full stop between me and them le...

Family Dinner

2007-07-23T18:01:00.000+08:00

There's a family dinner on yesterday which was on daddy's treat, but I did not attend... Cos, it's hubby birthday and i din want to create much miserables to my parents... Why? Ask that Mr & Mrs Dog.

Well, i actually din like my family dinner or reunion day or watsoever gatherings as there's bound unhappiness tat will happen... I felt everyone in the family are wearing a mask when gathered and i doesn't like this feeling at all.

There's lots of things happened during these days and to some of it, i felt very funny. One incident...

This day, was my usual visit to my parent's house for dinner but hubby was too busy at work, so i went alone. While i was reading the newspaper in the dinning table at the kitchen, Mrs Dog appeared. She's here to collect some foods which my parent had prepared for all of us and wanted us to bring home. I want to let her know that i doesn't fear her eventho we are face to face, so i told my mum that i will open the door.

She doesn't want to look at me, neither do i. I walked back to the kitchen and continue on my newspaper. Heard she's talking abt her new born baby and i doesn't care much as i'm more interested on the news than her stories. When it was time for her to go home, daddy asked her if she can carry all down by herself. Well, at this time, normal ppl will say "Oh, it's alrite, i can carry it myself". But there's some abnormal ppl, like her, will give this answer "Oh fine, I'm not some unknown ppl". Actually, she spoke in mandarin and her those words that she said are actually meant for : Not easy bullied, Have power in the biz field, etc...

After hearing this, i felt like laughing. She's actually wanted to let me know that she's more powerful than i do and she can easily let me & my hubby lead a more pitiful life and own nothing. But think she think too much of herself.

I wanted to thanks her for creating so much trouble, problems to us. If not, till now, we still doesn't know that we have to open our eyes when we choose ppl who we can trust on, even family members. We've learnt that, blood bonded doesn't mean anything at all. We just knew that we are not related at all even she's my sister, her husband is my husband's uncle. We also discovered that they had a bad breathe as they talks nothing about the truth and they have a bad character. They are money-minded and thinks highly of themselves as they are the bosses and have more monies in a/c than any other siblings.

Last but not least, we have lead a better life now compare to the past when my hubby still works for them.

Trying to get over

2007-06-07T23:04:00.000+08:00

Looking at the font colour of this blog, should know that i'm having blues... To be exact, should be grey... All I could feel now is total darkness and frustrated...

Feeling darkness because of what happened in these 8 days....

Feeling frustrated is still because of what happened in these 8 days...

My sis and BIL had found out that hubby was working with their so-called partner after hubby had resigned... I dunno why they felt betrayed? Is it just because hubby had worked with their so-called partner?

Maybe they had forgot how they treated him and they had accepted his resignation on the spot...

Well they had went to their workshop to make noise. They had scolded my hubby rather prefer to be a dog than a human being... Now accusing him that he had stole their money and that he's not reliable at all... I would want them to show us the evidence that hubby had stole their money... If not, pls dun blame me for suing them!

I dunno why they wanted to say these untruthful words to his partnet and hurt hubby... Guess their intention was to make his partner to fall out with my hubby, then hubby left with no more jobs... Then make his retribution as bad as possible and ended up, he's unable to work in this line again...

The man that they are trying to make fun of, to destroy of are their BIL cum nephew. Does they have the rite to do this? After doing these evil things, wun ppl think they are despicable? Why my other sisters and BILs prefer to side them? Is it because they are rich?

What I can do now is to keep quiet as per what my father and MIL had instructed us to do. They told us to ignore them and just treated them as dog barking non-stop. As long as our conscience is clear, we are not afraid of what they say behind our back.

Now I can only believe that God watches all our doing, as well as their evil doings...

Kinship? What is that???

2007-04-15T23:06:00.000+08:00

Kinship? What is that? Can anyone let me know?

To me, kinship is something that can be forsake when incidents arouse. You may treasure, cherish this relationship very much. But for the others, they can forsake them.

In my case, multi relationship with my sister and her husband vanished when my hubby resigned. After he took a day leave to take care of his having high fever wife and when he took mc cos it's his turn of having high fever.

Employer can understand why he can't work when hubby having high fever and accused him of not arranging the work properly. Accused him to didn't take care of the tools and caused the tools to be missing.

Quarrel begin when he's having high fever of 39.5C. I can't understand why they can't talk to him after his recovering. Hubby resigned after a heat arguement with my sis. Agreements can't be made even thou I stepped in to be the 3rd party. But before hubby hanged down the phone, guess what my so-call sis told my hubby? Please pay off all the installments of your car to us as soon as possible.

She said we are over-boarded and didn't think of our relationship. I said she was not us and had told her she was the one who told us to pay them asap. Guess waht she said again??? She said, she can't trust us to pay her the installments monthly. Is this so-called kinship. I told her nvm, I will find the money and pay her back.

I looked for my parents for help. Dad decided to help me by borrow me the money and pay him back monthly. He told me, my sis had called him up and asked him not to help us. Let us find our way to pay her and told him that we don't have the ability to pay him back. HAHAHA... This is so-called kinship again.

She's the one who forces us to pay her back asap and she's the one who cut off the route that we could take. I can't believer that I had such a ruthless sister in my life! Her intention was to make my hubby to lower his position, say sorry to them and resume his work. However, I can't even take this and acknowledge them as employers, how can I ask my hubby to face them? No way man... Like waht she had said to my elder sis before, ''Over my dead body''.

I beliver that I have to face another 2 of my sisters. I hate to face them as they will definitely stand by my ruthless sister side. I had gone through this before and I have to go through again, God knows how I hated it.

Just hope that, hubby could success on his new career and God, please bless us.

April - not a good mth for me..

2007-04-12T10:12:00.001+08:00

April, seems like not a very good mth for me....

Firstly, have an arguement with hubby. Thou we always have argument, but the arguement we had this month is different...

Secondly, have been having high fever since 7th april. And it only subsides on 10th april afternoon... Thou have a MC resting at home with hubby taking care of me, but really suffer alot... No more fever, but not appetite to eat and still not slimming down.

Always feeling vomiting throughout the day and nite and dunno wats went wrong with me. Gastric pain as not eaten enough. Hungry, but cant eat much at all. Now, i'm still in blur blur stage...

Thirdly, things happen in work. Not my fault, still get scolding... as if everything went wrong because of me. Colleague forgot to collect a payment back from china and i get scolding for not reminding him. Oh Gosh... how old is he liao? Why must I always remind him? Before he went to china, i already remind him liao wat... Wats more can I do?

Now, shipment have not reach china, my fault. Colleague forgot to collect the money back, my fault. Supplier delay shipment, my fault. Customer's late payment schedule, my fault for not following up. Well, well, well... Everything went wrong are my fault... Wats more can I say?

I just hope that the shipment will reach china today afternoon. So that i can issue payment for air ticket. Then arrange my supplier to collect the air ticket from me. Then I hope that my supplier dun delay shipment liao... I intend to use forwarder this time thou item not big but they can pay GST on our behalf 1st. But boss wanted to use courier service as faster. But he didn't think of the clearance of GST... Next monday he will be flying to china, who can sign the chq for GST?

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! I'm going BERSEK LIAO!!!!

Oh Yah!!! A holiday tml!

2007-04-05T10:23:00.000+08:00

Oh Yah! It's Good Friday tml! A holiday for me!!! Yippee...!

Though I know that having a good rest tml is impossible, but at least it's a holiday! Maybe if we could finish doing our chores tml, then we can have a good rest on sunday or maybe a shopping trip at m'sia!

Well, quite looking forward's tml holiday as I could get to visit my lil princess again! Carrying her, makes me felt like having babies now! But soon, hubby broke my wonderful wish... He's not going to have babies soo soon. He wanted to start his own business and once financial stable, he will then consider.

Some might think he's so selfish, but actually, he's afraid that we might not provide enough for our kids. I know what's his worries, so I did not object to his thinking, thou i'm upset....

But nevermind, I should be more hardworking so that my online business could be a success! Wish that my hubby's business could be able to start and be it a success too!

Dear God, if you are reading this blog or happens to read my mind, please bless us. Please bless us that my business could be a success and have business real soon. Please bless that my hubby can start his own business and be successful too. We are not very greedy. Just be able to cover all expenses and able to save quite a 'small' sum for our future, our kids. To be able to support both our parents when they are older. Thanks God in advance!

Wishing everyone a Happiee, Yippee, Wonderful, Blissful Good Friday!

Am I not sensitive enough or is it covered by my anger?

2007-04-03T12:00:00.000+08:00

Had a quarrel with hubby on sunday when on our way home from Kota Tinggi. I was wondering whether should I tell him what's on my mind as we always will have a nice talk when we think that's something that need to be settle. I always thought that we always can have a nice talk during this period. But I was wrong.

He wasn't in peace when we have the talk inside the car while travelling. During those dissatisfied days, we both have our own thinking that he/she doesn't treat me the same. I throw my tantrums, he ignored. While he throw his tantrums, I din managed to notice.

Maybe I was really unhappy and unable to discover his unhappines and tantrums. During the quietness after an unpeaceful talks, I managed to sort things out.

Throughout the whole issue, actually, he had no faults. It was my fault for not being sensitive enough. It was my fault for not caring him enough as I thought I treat as the same after our marriage.

I'm still trying to mend my ways, and change for him. I'm trying to make him feel that I cherish him. Though, I still felt that he dosen't care me enough, but I still want to do my part well. I dun want to know whether he want to show his care for me, all I want to do is to build a better and harmony living for both of us.